‘Mummy, what does “phenomenal” mean?”
Surprised, I turned around to peer at the bright, inquisitive face of Leon, my seven-year-old son. He’d taken a break from playing with his stuffed animals to ask the question.
I was proud he’d added a new word to his vocabulary. At school, he regularly received new words to prepare for vocabulary tests. Most of the time, the words were difficult to pronounce or explain. But I always made an effort to simplify them.
So there Leon was, waiting for my response. Then he grew impatient and spelt the word but missed a few letters. I corrected him automatically.
From experience, I knew I needed to give an explanation that would quell further clarification.
‘It means super awesome’, I managed after thinking about it for a bit.
Leon’s reaction was priceless. His face lit up, and he cooed, ‘Ooooh’.
‘Where did you get that word from?’
‘Minecraft!’ came the swift response.
I sighed. So, he didn’t get it from school then.
The encounter with Leon happened months ago. I’m obsessed with effective communication. And Leon’s still obsessed with Minecraft.
As a trainer, coach, and advisor, I’m always expected to communicate clearly and confidently. Given my work with professionals, executives, entrepreneurs and leaders, fair or not, the bar is set high for me.
But I sometimes fall short. And that happened to me a few days ago.
I was speaking to another communications facilitator, Dr Q, when it dawned on me that I needed to articulate my thoughts clearly. Fortunately, the audio wasn’t clear, and the listener couldn’t hear me properly. (Or maybe he could, but he was too kind to point out that I was going off on a tangent). So, I offered to call back. I hung up and chided myself for failing to properly explain the benefits of the learning management system I was trying to convince Dr Q to consider. I gathered my thoughts, noted what I wanted to say, and called him back three minutes later. I spoke slowly and loudly and used shorter sentences. Dr Q understood me perfectly, and we ended the call on a promising note.
If I remembered how I’d communicated with my seven-year-old son, I wouldn’t have bungled my first discussion with Dr Q.
The move to simplify your communication for greater impact is excellent advice. And I often urge people to explain their ideas as they would to 12-year-olds.
But revisiting my encounter with Leon, below are two lessons you can learn from a seven-year-old on elevating your communication.
Lesson #1: Ask simple questions
This recommendation might seem deceptively easy, but it’s challenging to pull off — especially if you’re an expert or can boast of significant experience in your field.
Now, you may know a lot about your subject matter. But the ‘curse’ of knowledge means it becomes difficult to ask simple questions in high-stakes situations where your credibility is assessed. After all, you may need to prove your value.
As a result, your questions may be multi-faceted, making it difficult for you to get straightforward answers.
So, how do you simplify questions? Break them into their simplest forms. Imagine that a seven-year-old is asking you the question you wish to invite others and consider the following:
- Are you choosing simple words? Or do you show off by using jargon and corporate speak such as ‘leverage’, ‘low hanging fruit’, and ‘circling back’?
- Are your questions concise? (For example: ‘What does x mean?’, ‘How should we proceed?’, and ‘When should we begin/end this project?’)
- Are you displaying ‘open’ and ‘warm’ nonverbal cues (e.g. open arms at navel length, eye contact, and nodding) to boost trust and indicate a desire to learn? Or are you using an arrogant or sarcastic tone that makes people feel small and become uncooperative?
Ask a simple question, and you’ll get a simple answer.
Don’t be worried that people will doubt your competence or leadership capabilities because you dared to admit you didn’t know it all.
On the contrary, by asking simple questions that people immediately understand, you coax them to share their insights. Consequently, you’ll know whether they’ll support you and how to proceed.
Even if you ask simple questions and face some opposition, you’ll get clarity and can then change directions. Since your listeners’ comprehension won’t be the problem, your simple questions, asked with genuine intentions, will get you quicker results.
Lesson #2: Give clear answers
At the risk of stating the obvious, answer the questions you’re asked. Don’t respond like some politicians who’re skilled in the art of offering non-answers.
As a professional, entrepreneur or business leader, if you want to boost trust and increase your influence, commit to this game-changer:
Listen carefully to questions to understand what is said and uncover what is not articulated.
It’s true that some people don’t ask clear questions and instead make statements or offer opinions. And there might be hostile questioners in your audience you’ll need to deal with. Nevertheless, it’s your job to unearth the questions and then answer them as clearly as feasible.
Therefore, if the questioners are waffling on, ask clarifying questions so you understand their intent, such as:
- ‘What would you like to know?’
- ‘What I understand from what you’ve shared is x. Is there anything else you’d like me to elaborate on?’
Respectfully prod until the questioner asks a clear question (and ignore his/her combative tone or disagreeable nonverbal behaviours). Then, answer the question generously.
It’s critical to consider your audience and tailor your answers to their background, educational level or circumstances. When explaining the meaning of ‘phenomenal’ to my seven-year-old, I used the language he knew—super awesome—and that quelled further questions.
Be that person who answers questions so well that the questioners feel understood, validated, and enlightened.
Conclusion
You might not have a seven-year-old at home or at work with whom you can practise your communication.
However, when you need to elevate your communication skills, recall my seven-year-old asking a simple question and emulate his style. Next, remember my response to him. Finally, challenge yourself to answer questions people ask as clearly and generously as possible.
To hone your communication skills, always be open to new ideas, even if it means learning from demanding seven-year-olds.
Over to you:
Do you need help boosting your communication skills to get results? Sign up for my transformational speaking, coaching, and training programmes.
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N.B: First image is courtesy of OpenClipart-Vectors via Pixabay. Second and third images are courtesy of Gerd Altmann via Pixabay.