Once more, Mr Grief knocked on the door. But this time, I refused to open. From behind my cocoon, I recognised its looming persona and sinister persistence.
Still, despite my efforts, Mr Grief has entered my home and is staying for a while.
Earlier this month, I received a shocker: the unexpected death of my cousin J. Our families were close. As children and then later as young adults, some of his siblings spent extended periods in our home, and some of my siblings and I lived with his family.
His father, my Uncle E, is just one year younger than my late father. The brothers were very close, and we, their children (11 between the two families), ‘inherited’ that strong bond.
The close relationship between the two families notwithstanding, Mr Grief was merciless and brought along his reflective companion, Ms Sorrow. Together, they inserted their unwelcome presence in my home less than a year after my younger brother died. The news of J’s death was too much to handle, and later that night, I broke down, weeping.
Two weeks later, J was buried in Canada, where he had lived with his wife and two sons. Unfortunately, I could not attend the programmes due to time and visa constraints, so I watched the streamed services online.
Notwithstanding the sobering ceremonies, some moments during the Service of Songs and funeral service brought light. They reminded us of the selfless, compassionate and loving man J was and made us proud of his impact on others.
Despite a painful circumstance like losing a close relative, I realised that communication could serve as a soothing balm and an encouragement to family and friends. So, below are two ways you can use soulful communication to support others.
1) Share anecdotes and stories
At the Service of Songs, K, J’s elder brother, stood behind the lectern to recount endearing stories from their childhood.
An entertaining storyteller, K told stories in his usual engaging manner. He used different tones and gestures that made you relive those moments with him. There was the account of J crushing it at one-on-one basketball games and against other players (with K finally admitting J was the better player).
Then, there was one particularly humorous incident where K, a mouthy child, was in a scuffle with an older boy. When J saw K in distress, he (knowing nothing of what led to the altercation) jumped in to defend K, receiving most of the blows in the process. As both brothers broke free and fled for their lives, J continued to insult the older boy verbally, despite K pleading with his brother not to worsen the matter.
As K spoke and regaled the audience with his storytelling chops, people laughed, as did I, watching online. He used stories to support the point that J, despite being the younger brother, was always protective of him and cared deeply about people.
Among the speakers who gave the tributes were my two older siblings (who flew to Canada from London and Amsterdam for the ceremonies), one of J’s best friends, and J’s brother-in-law. They all shared heartfelt moments illustrating what an incredible man and father J was. And they spoke from the heart, each with his/her different style and deep conviction.
Those stories, told with love and tenderness, moved me and, I believe, members of the audience.
And that’s what soulful speaking does in such moments. When done correctly, it stirs, soothes pain, and reminds you of forgotten moments in happier times.
Mr Grief and Ms Sorrow might linger for some time, and you might be unable to speed up the recovery process. Still, speaking about loved ones and sharing endearing moments would help you find some light in the darkness. A bonus is that you pass on their legacy to those who might not have known them well.
Speak to heal. Then listen to cherish.
2) Write from the soul
J’s widow, A, was understandably devastated. Yet, she wrote a beautiful eulogy that doubled as J’s biography. Her sister-in-law, J’s elder sister, was tasked with reading it at the Service of Songs.
The written piece chronicled when A met J at university (where they were both studying medicine), their courtship, marriage, and family life. Her simple words and unpretentious style made the eulogy memorable.
As a lover of well-written pieces, I could imagine how difficult it was for A to pen her thoughts when her heart was still breaking.
I’ve thrice written articles and tributes after losing family members in the last four years. First, I wrote a tribute and later an article about the communication lessons I learnt from my dad. Two years later, I wrote a tribute to a beloved aunt. Then, last year, I tackled how to communicate during grief to reduce friction after my younger brother’s death. But I’ve not lost a spouse. And I hope never to be in the position soon where I’d need to write a tribute/eulogy for my husband.
Despite our sadness as the eulogy was read, I smiled and nodded. A’s piece recounted simple moments of J and his family—for example, J making his legendary sandwiches with his sons—that made us cherish the memories much more.
The beauty of writing during such emotional periods is that you don’t need flowery, bloated prose. Soulful writing: clean, relatable, and ‘warm’ is powerful. It reaches your gut, evokes emotions that sometimes cannot be articulated, and brings you to tears.
Writing from the heart touches hearts. You don’t need anything else to elevate your impact. Just write to help others understand your feelings and share how important the person you lost was to you and those around them.
Write to connect and celebrate.
Conclusion
As Mr Grief lingers in my home, I know it will take time to go through the process.
There will be happy times when we remember and share J’s sometimes goofy ways and what he said or did. And there will be times we’ll find it difficult to accept he’s not physically with us anymore.
I hope you don’t deal with Mr Grief and Ms Sorrow any time soon. But if you do, remember the impact of speaking and writing from the heart.
And when that time arrives, activate your communication skills. Use them as a soothing balm to ease your pain, lighten your load, and support those who are also grieving.
Do you know?
This month marks 13 years since I whipped open my Blackberry device to write the first article for what would become this multi-award-winning blog. Since 2017, it’s been listed on Feedspot’s authoritative list of the top 30 communication blogs.
Then, some days ago, Feedspot emailed me the cool badge below, congratulating me on this blog being featured in its list of the top 45 communication blogs.
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N.B: First image is courtesy of Michaela via Pixabay. Second image is courtesy of Samuel F. Johanns via Pixabay. Third image is courtesy of Simone Vom Felda via. Pixabay. ‘Top Communication Blog’ badge is courtesy of Feedspot, March 2025.