Two weeks ago, my father, Dr Kisito Oseirhudute Okpere, unexpectedly passed away.
As a devout Christian – a humble, wise and compassionate man, my father’s life inspired people. He walked with the Lord for decades, and on Thursday, August 13, 2020, at 5.30 p.m., God took him to rest. And that’s the only reason he’s no longer physically with us.
Nonetheless, I’m convinced that he’s in Heaven, interceding for the family. While my mother, siblings, relatives, and I mourn his departure, we’re overwhelmed by the outpouring of support, love, and goodwill.
From the heartfelt messages of family, friends and members of the Christian community, to the stories, accounts, and anecdotes, our family has arrived at one indisputable but consoling realisation:
Dr Kisito Okpere’s life impacted many people, and his legacy of humility, generosity, and integrity, will become a beacon of hope to us.
I learned many lessons from my father’s life and the way he treated others. But as an advocate for effective communication skills, I’ve listed three that are relevant in today’s cutthroat business world. You’d find them critical to your professional relationships as you seek to connect with others.
Lesson #1: Know your V-I-P and be steadfast in your delivery
My father’s life was modelled to what he termed his V-I-P: values, integrity, and principles. And everything he said and did was congruent with these three attributes.
Dr Okpere was a brilliant engineer who held technical, managerial and leadership roles in an oil career that spanned 35 years at Shell. Yet, from the boardroom and church programmes to family life, he communicated his V-I-P in speech and conduct, and he was steadfast in his views.
There was no shadow of turning with my father. He spoke gently but firmly, yet he was compassionate. A man without guile, he respected and treated everyone in the same manner – from the cleaner to the C-Suite executive, so that people came to appreciate what he stood for. As a result, he was always trusted to do what was right, even when he swam alone against the tide of opposition. And as many affirmed in glowing tributes on the website dedicated to his memory, he was a leader whom everyone believed in and faithfully supported.
Now, as a professional, and especially a leader, you must know your ‘why’: your V-I-P, and you must be consistent in the delivery of these elements if you want to influence teams. Nevertheless, be warned: if your purpose is self-seeking, then you can forget about generating trust. But when you develop a ‘servant’ mindset, you connect with people on a deeper level that transcends fleeting allegiance.
Whether in one-on-one interactions or in company-wide communications, your V-I-P releases you to speak convincingly from the heart. And when you do this diligently, something remarkable happens:
People listen; they become inspired and vested in your vision. Then they work tirelessly with you to achieve a shared goal – with the result being your ‘baby’ becoming theirs, and your wins, their validation. This happened at SNEPCO (Shell Nigeria Exploration and Production Company), where my father worked as its managing director from 1999 to 2007. His notable deeds are captured in the heartwarming tribute video below provided by the SNEPCO ‘family’.
The account depicted my father’s positive impact in that organisation. And that wouldn’t have been possible without the unwavering application of his V-I-P.
Lesson #2: Season your speech with grace
My father was a patient man and slow to anger. The eternal optimist, he deeply believed in the redeeming qualities in people, despite unavoidable disappointments.
I’ve observed from personal experience how he never allowed negative experiences or human failings to cloud his judgement, nor did he lose hope that anyone and everyone could be saved. His forgiving spirit and generous heart were only matched by his complete trust in God to do all things and to heal all wounds.
Even if you ignored his strong faith, you’d have quickly noticed his calm disposition in casual conversation. He spoke with grace when he disagreed with you and would listen attentively to your viewpoints. He would give you his full attention and make you feel like you were the most important person in the room. It’s no wonder he regularly counselled and mentored those who approached him. His listening skills and sense of empathy made him relatable and helped him connect meaningfully with others.
How well you handle polarising views and gently stir discussions to the issues being considered is a skill my father displayed – and one I hope to hone as a communications professional.
As a professional or leader, first, develop empathetic listening and then speak graciously if you want to win allies at the workplace. Stephen Covey, author of the famed bestseller 7 Habits of Highly Effective People sums up this point with the sage advice:
Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
You’d coax more people to action that way.
Lesson #3: Cultivate a growth mindset
Remaining open will serve you well when you’re introduced to new concepts and innovative thinking.
My father was blessed with sharp intellect, and he excelled in primary, secondary, and university education. His academic achievements led to a full Shell scholarship in 1965 at 18, to study Mechanical Engineering at the University of Birmingham, in the UK.
He then departed for the UK in 1966. By 1969, he unsurprisingly emerged with a First Class degree in Mechanical Engineering from the University of Birmingham, after which he proceeded to postgraduate studies. In 1973, at 26, he was awarded a PhD in Mechanical Engineering at the same institution. He returned to Nigeria to begin his 35-year stint at Shell Petroleum Development Company – the largest multinational oil company in Nigeria at the time, where he excelled in various roles.
His brilliance notwithstanding, one attribute I noticed about my father that was key to his knowledge was his willingness to learn new things. He read regularly and kept informed on current trends. Whether revelling in discussions with adults or having conversations about technology with my teenaged son, he’d ask precise questions, and sometimes, he’d call to get clarification. He’d enquire why things were a certain way and suggest ways they could be better.
He never stopped learning.
So here’s what you need to know:
Being flexible to other views will hone your critical thinking capacity, which, in turn, will lead to clearer thoughts, sharper writing, and more persuasive speeches/addresses/presentations. In a nutshell, you amplify your communication skills when you commit to continuous learning.
On the other hand, remaining complacent in your knowledge or skills will stall collaboration or diminish agility at the workplace. Why self-sabotage by being close-minded or inflexible?
Conclusion
As I reflect on the life of my father, I’m comforted, despite my grief, that he fulfilled his God-given purpose.
It’s true that his demise has left a vacuum that can’t be replaced. Yet, his legacy of hard work, humility, and integrity will live on in his 7 children, 13 grandchildren, son-in-law, and daughters-in-law.
And as a communications trainer, speaker and advisor, I’m honoured and grateful to have learned valuable communication lessons from his life.
Rest in peace in Christ, dearest Daddy. I hope I’d always make you proud.
Over to you:
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N.B- Pictures of Dr Kisito Oseirhudute Okpere are courtesy of the Okpere family. Tribute video is courtesy of SNEPCO. Last video is courtesy of the Okpere family.
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