{"id":3010,"date":"2022-06-29T15:43:34","date_gmt":"2022-06-29T14:43:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lucilleossai.com\/blog\/?p=3010"},"modified":"2022-06-29T17:55:32","modified_gmt":"2022-06-29T16:55:32","slug":"incivility-at-the-workplace-what-its-costing-your-company-and-how-to-solve-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lucilleossai.com\/blog\/2022\/06\/29\/incivility-at-the-workplace-what-its-costing-your-company-and-how-to-solve-it\/","title":{"rendered":"Incivility At The Workplace: What It\u2019s Costing Your Company And How To Solve It"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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I remember the day I cried at work because my boss intimidated me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was in my 20s, and it was my first job. I was fresh out of a master\u2019s programme from the London School of Economics & Political Science \u2014 fully minted as a graduate with potential, and I was eager to make my mark in corporateville.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After five years of university studies in the UK (including a year abroad in France), comprising my undergraduate and master\u2019s degrees, I returned to Lagos, Nigeria. I got married two months later. So, there I was, an optimist who was fortunate to land an attractive job. Then I had to move to Abuja, the nation\u2019s capital, to begin my career in a foreign mission.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Soon after I resumed, an older, more experienced female colleague, Antoinette, took me under her wing. She opened my eyes to diplomats’ racist attitudes and behaviours in foreign embassies where she\u2019d previously worked. Being a greenhorn, I was shocked because my \u2018corporate\u2019 experience only consisted of various part-time jobs I held in the UK as an international student to cater for my living expenses. I hadn\u2019t experienced racism or incivility at the workplace, but I was realistic enough to know it would come. And I was right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some months into my new role, the embassy where I worked received a diplomat from the headquarters abroad who was to provide some cover during the summer holidays. Now Diplomat D was an older gentleman, and from his attitude and body language, I knew I had to tread cautiously. However, the inevitable happened. After some incident (which I cannot now recall), I emailed my cousin in the UK to complain about my unfair treatment. I naively stated what I thought of the short-term diplomat and explained how I would focus on my work and ignore him. I was merely venting, of course, and felt better after sending the email.  However, the next day, I saw a printed copy of that email on my desk with a short note from Diplomat D instructing me to see him immediately. It turned out that my private email had been monitored and read. Since I hadn\u2019t painted the diplomat in a favourable light, I knew what the meeting would entail. I was scared but also angry that my privacy had been infringed on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The meeting was tense and didn\u2019t go well. At the end of his speech, Diplomat D, with a face flushed with anger, stood up, came around his desk and stopped a few feet from where I was sitting. In a threatening stance, he spat out: \u2018Who the hell do you think you are<\/em>?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn\u2019t know how I found the courage. But I stood up and, in a shaky voice, replied coolly with a statement like \u2018Well, I won\u2019t take this.’<\/em> And I walked out the door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I headed straight to my office. After closing the door, I slumped into my chair and fought back the tears, half successfully, for about two minutes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My mentor, Antoinette, whom I\u2019d confided in before the meeting, knocked on the door and came in. She sympathised with me but, in a firm voice, ordered, \u2018Never let them see you cry!\u2019<\/em> I nodded. I told her I was sure I\u2019d be fired, but she laughed. She explained that my privacy had been breached, so the diplomats wouldn\u2019t want to admit that error. She then reassured me that the temporal diplomat would only be in the office for a few months and would return to the headquarters in northern Europe. I shouldn\u2019t be concerned about my job.  And she was right. Diplomat D left some weeks later, and work carried on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Antoinette and I remained friends and stayed in touch after we both moved on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Although I can\u2019t remember the full name of Diplomat D and won\u2019t be able to recognise him if I saw him today, I still remember how I felt. My naivety and belief in people being professional and always treating colleagues courteously at the workplace were shattered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That incident with Diplomat D toughened me. So, when l later had a clash with another diplomat, Ms C, I could communicate my right to be treated with respect \u2013 which shocked the offender. She wasn\u2019t prepared for me being \u2018trouble\u2019. In the second incident, the new ambassador, Ambassador B, a regal-looking woman with high integrity, strong emotional intelligence, and excellent leadership qualities, acted as the objective mediator. She told Ms C to apologise to me, which the latter refused to do. Nonetheless, I offered a general apology \u2014 not because I was required to, but to show that I was mature enough to do so. Ambassador B expressed appreciation for my apology, and the meeting ended. From that incident, I learned how to leave my ego at the door to try to build bridges; but I also discovered I wouldn\u2019t allow myself to be intimidated or bullied by anyone at work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The cost of incivility and why your company should care<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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Sadly, not much has changed at the workplace. Fast forward to twenty years later, and I\u2019m still<\/em> dealing with disrespect from colleagues. But now, sharpened by past experiences, a stronger appreciation of self, and communication skills that I\u2019ve honed over the years, I\u2019m better equipped to handle those unpleasant scenarios.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m not alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you exclude unfair treatment based on race, gender, age, ethnicity, economic status or education, incivility remains a scourge that all professionals experience at some point in their careers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Incivility encompasses rudeness, crudeness, unwelcome remarks, inappropriate jokes, discriminatory attitudes, stereotypical stances, and everything that doesn\u2019t attune to the mantra: Do onto others as you\u2019ll have them do onto you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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At its core, workplace incivility is a crisis of interpersonal relationships hinged on poor communication and weak emotional intelligence. This malaise also has a business cost, and the figures are not pretty.  In the summarised version of the TEDx talk below \u2018Why Being Respectful to Your Coworkers Is Good for Business\u2019, Christine Porath explains the numbers based on her research:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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It's not just you. Your rude coworker might *actually* be ruining the company.

Watch Christine Porath's full TED Talk here: https:\/\/t.co\/HcSzvApMGP<\/a> pic.twitter.com\/KJe1jONJlw<\/a><\/p>— TED Talks (@TEDTalks) March 16, 2022<\/a><\/blockquote>